I usually don’t like to write posts pertaining to specific holidays, special occasions, etc., because I know I’ll never be able to post them all and then I’ll develop a complex about the blog not being ‘complete’ and that will lead to posting for the sake of posting… It’s a
vicious ridiculous cycle.
Anyway, I decided to throw caution to the wind and record some thoughts that need to be said while people are around to enjoy it. It’s really that simple.
I have a lot of mixed emotions about Mother’s Day, primarily because I have mixed memories of Mother’s Day past. Like the time we had a horrible dinner at KFC because Dad made a desperate attempt to make the day easy for mom by not having her cook, but instead we all ended up herding around disgusting buffet food with folks that may or may not have showered in a few days. Bless his heart, he tried. And to his credit, there aren’t that many restaurants in Glasgow to choose from. Then there were beautiful Mother’s Days when we visited Granny Rose (when she was still well) and ate at the lake and enjoyed each other’s company and gifts didn’t matter and I was still the baby of the family. Those times are precious to me.
Then there’s the Mother’s Days I’ve had as an adult that I avoided the day like the plague because I still was waiting to be a momma myself. I did my best to celebrate my momma, but I avoided church and my heart still longed and ached to be blessed by motherhood. Redemption came – briefly though. The Mother’s Day when I was pregnant was wonderful, but last year (my first real Mother’s Day I suppose) was not at all what I anticipated, largely because I was in the throes of a deep, hidden depression. All I remember was how unhappy I was with the outfit I chose, how fat I felt, and how irritated I was that Elly wouldn’t nap. Not the pleasant memory of my first Mother’s Day I had once longed for.
But that’s life. Sometimes it’s not what we make it in our minds, and goodness knows I’m eternally guilty of making THAT mistake time and time again. So either good or bad, by whatever standards you choose, Mother’s Day is what you make it. I agree with the principle of celebrating mothers and recognizing the selfless sacrifice mothers make every day, but it’s really in the little moments of motherhood by nature that make being a mother special.
I gained a whole new life perspective when I became a momma, but over the last year, that perspective was broadened greatly as I watched my momma take on a role for my dad that has amazed me. She’s had to step in as a nurse, a 24-hour caretaker, and life manager for my dad as he has gone through this transplant experience. It was around Mother’s Day last year that mom really started to show concern for dad’s “liver numbers,” but none of us had ANY idea what was to come. It didn’t matter, and without warning or training, she took on her new roles with relative ease. Sonny and I often talk (and pray) about mom and the amazing job she does taking care of dad because if the task was left up to us, we’d basically be clueless. I could go on and on, but I think the best thing I can say is that one of the most memorable examples of unconditional love will not only come from all she’s done for me as a momma, but what she continues to do every single day to hold our family together – to literally keep us alive. She deserves so much, but I honestly don’t know how to pay her any bigger compliment than to say that I will live trying to forever honor that example.
I have to share one last thing. A few months ago, a song written by Natalie Grant called “When I Leave the Room” circulated on Facebook and caused mass bawling among mothers everywhere. (Really, it’s beautiful.) This song touched me as well because when I leave Elly’s room at night, there is no going back to check on her or stepping in to watch her sleep – the child can sleep through a hellacious thunderstorm but if you so much as crack her door open, she’s wide awake, screaming to be picked up. So when I leave her, it’s usually for the night, so I of course could certainly relate. But the last verse is when I lost my marbles. I can’t share the video or sound on here, but here’s the lyrics.
“When I Leave The Room”
Looks like we made it through the day
The moon sighs
And I know that we’re okay
I love to watch you drift away
I would come with you but on my knees I’ll stay
Five little fingers holding mine
Into your dreams and lullabies
There’s nothing more that I can do
But just fall more in love with you
And ask the angel armies to stand by
When I leave the room
I’m gonna fail you
I already have
Ten thousand times
I will fall down flat
You’ll have a seat in the front row
Of everything I don’t know
And all I’m trying to be
There will be storms that we come through
We will slay dragons me and you
I’ll always wanna hold you tight
Keep you safe with all my might
So I will leave Jesus next to you
When I leave the room
And you will run ahead
As if you know the way
And I will pray more
Then one should have to pray
There will be words we can’t take back
And I’ll be on my knees
When I am old and unsteady
You’ll want me to fight
But I’ll tell you that I’m ready
When there’s nothing left to do
I will still be loving you
Then you’ll fold your fingers into mine
And I will let Jesus hold you tight
When I leave the room
So Happy Mother’s Day to ALL mommas, mommas past, and mommas yet to be. You’re all in my heart.