I probably shouldn’t even been trying to write anything because I just spent 20 minutes trying to decide whether “over” in the title should be capitalized or not. I still don’t know if it’s right.
So that’s a fair indication of where I am right now. After the longest shortest-day-of-the-year ever, inexplicably warm weather, and a whiny toddler while I was trying to finish baking the last of holiday gifts, I’m fairly spent. Thinking about all that’s left to be done is far too overwhelming at this point and I’m about to resort to “singing Christmas carols loud and clear for all to hear” to channel my inner Buddy the Elf and find a shred or two of Christmas spirit somewhere in the depths of all that’s going on.
Bitterness, confusion, and frustration are trying their best to creep in on me as the stress level of the holidays also creeps up. I have so many questions and very few answers which leads to very little peace. And I need some peace. I know God has everything under control and that somehow we’re going to get through all of this, but it just seems like at least some of the things marked “pending” on my prayer list might get checked off sometime soon? Maybe? Maybe dad can get a liver? Maybe Sonny can get a job? Maybe Michael and I can finally get on solid ground after years of family and financial turmoil? Maybe Elly will FINALLY START CONFIDENTLY WALKING??!! (I might be being a bit dramatic about that last one, but come on sweet girl. You have until your 18 month check-up to be more sure-footed or they’re going to force us into therapy and I don’t want to go there. Please get the memo.)
These are just some of the issues plaguing us, though I feel it’s enough. I also feel like there is a really good Biblical paradox here somewhere about how this must have been what Mary and Joseph felt like as they traveled to Jerusalem before Jesus’ birth, etc., but I’m just not theologically sound enough or have enough energy to make the connection tonight. Therefore I feel Elly’s depiction of her manger scene is impeccably accurate:
I will make this simple connection though – just as the world waited for Jesus’ birth, “in error, pining,” if you will – during this Christmas season, we too are still waiting. Waiting for many unknowns that will likely be brought to us in the least expected ways. We’re pining for answers, desperate for peace. We know where and who that peace will come from, so I hope we can find some strength and enjoy the magic that is all things Christmas in the meantime.