Today’s the fifth day post-surgery. (I had my stony gallbladder removed for those of you late to the ballgame.)

Today’s the day that I feel well enough to be annoyed with a sinus headache, but not quite well enough to “forget” that I had surgery. (I keep expecting to wake up and not have ANY soreness or pain.)

Today’s the day that I take a shower I actually enjoy, wear real clothes (…ahem…glorified pajamas), fix my hair, and smear a little makeup on.

Today’s the day when the thankfulness that I survived the whole ordeal meets the realization of the mortifying experience that is surgery. (I think I’ve lost count of the amount of people who have seen far too much of my skin at this point.)

Speaking of mortifying, today’s the day when I realize I’m still not over the fact that they shaved my stomach. SHAVED MY STOMACH. What am I, a she-wolf? I’m also not over picturing the horrifying image of being on the table assumedly wearing ONLY the old-person socks with skids they give you in outpatient prep (because that gown is never on you the same way as it was before you went in. Think about it. Or don’t. It’s horrifying.)

Today’s the day where I am able to actually do more than just look at my precious baby girl – all while holding a pillow over my stomach to lessen the blows that tend to come from a flailing 1-year-old.

Today’s the day that everything I was formerly amazed had gotten done in the four days post-move prior to surgery seems minimal and mentally I begin to make lists of what boxes need to be unpacked and what needs decorating.

Today’s the day I’m thankful – INSANELY thankful – for my mother who has essentially stepped in as me while I can’t pick up Elly and who watched football with me while Elly napped. There’s no replacement for her.

Today’s the day I start questioning how I’ve spent my recovery thus far. Should I have attempted to watch all the episodes of Downton Abbey? Should I have written 17 blog posts? Should I have read all the books on my Kindle? I haven’t done any of those things.

But mostly, today’s the day where I fear the future – how I’m going to find “normal” again, how I’m going to be able to do everything on my own again, and how on EARTH I’m ever going to be able to thank all the people that have helped, prayed, cooked, and blessed us during this time.

It’s a big day.